I fancied so much about train and rain both together sharing my
equal courtesy! Varanasi came in my life making this fascination true! A random
whack of fortune it was and irony being that it was a compulsion too!
That legally debauched arrangement of seat by feeding TC, I
noticed Delhi fading in front of my eyes. It diluted and dissolved in the speed
of train I remember Shiv Ganga express travelling through that dark night, dark
trees, dark sky, dark nostalgia and dark dilemmas. I was feeling the
adventure of anxieties in me. It was a silence, a bleakness, breathe taking
fear of accepting the defeat of dreams! A compulsion of starting all new. It
felt like I have been given an ultimatum to vacate my house by next morning and
I just have this night left to pack up. Yes! I felt like vacating myself. It
felt like a good bye to me! I had no one in my stories and memories that night.
All was I! Everything was me. My versions of world, people, truth and life, I
did not allow any interference. Accepted everything what everyone said,
rejected everything what everyone said.
My sister slept and it came as a relief, I was relaxed for
imagining tears now but they too were not attractive.
Wind was all at my face, making me lose every time when I
wagered her if she could make me blink. I was tired to the extent that sleep
too was not attractive. My inner revolt was going on silently making every
possible destruction to me. I do not know what I needed! Perhaps only and only
my mother and her lap.
**
It started raining! a smile came from somewhere! That same
smile when I got drenched in rain with my friends in IP College. The same smile when I did walks in rain from
anywhere to anywhere, the smile when I wrote poems on rain, when I bunked
classes for rain, when I spoiled my exams because it was raining outside , when
I made tea and pakode for my family, when I smiled for rainbows, when I did not
sleep for rain, when I tried drinking it, when I photographed her , when i lost
my sleepers in heap of mud during heavy rain and walked naked feet, when we
made boat in childhood. That smile! Which came to me every time whenever it
rained.
Rain is my elixir it is my salvation. It makes me believe,
accept and make things right. This splendid symphony of nature is my strength.
It kept raining, I slept for couple of hours and then there was
dawn!
A morning! Which gave me my first encounter with Varanasi.
I do not know what is the measurement for the intensity of
feelings, success, and failure.
What matters is! RAIN.
Life should be wrapped in rain! In beauty.
P.S- As I
am typing this post for my blog after so long, its raining heavily and I am up
with THAT SMILE!
